What We Deserve
by McBreezy
Summary: AU; James Ford is a felon with stage 2 lung cancer. He believes it's karma, but can Dr. Burke convince him that his life is worth saving? "Sometimes life deals us a bad hand, Mr. Ford, but it's not too late to get that royal flush."
1. Do You Believe in Karma?

"He's a criminal!"  
"I heard he killed a guy with his _bare_ _hands_."  
"I heard he punched a guy out for using his soap."

"Fascinating! And _I_ heard he was a patient, and a _person_, furthermore, who needs our help." Dr. Juliet Burke interrupted her interns as they gossiped amongst themselves about their new patient. "Now can any of you go in there and present for me without setting him off? God only knows what he might do to you, and I can't afford any casualties among my interns right now." she said seriously, though the sarcastic undertone was evident in her expression.

"We're sorry, Dr. Burke, we just--"

"You _just_ need to remember right now that you are medical professionals and handle yourselves as such. He is a patient, like any other, and we're going to treat him that way." she instructed.

"So you're not, like…_scared_ of him?" one of the more timid interns asked her, cowering slightly.

"No, Dr. Rutherford, I'm not like, _scared_ of him." she replied, though not unkindly, a small but reassuring smile on her face, "And you shouldn't be, either. He stole a _car_, he's not a cold-blooded killer. He's made mistakes, like all the rest of us, and it's not our business. Our business is to treat him for his condition, which is…what, Dr. Carlyle?"

"Uhh, stage 2B lung cancer, Dr. Burke. The tumor is roughly 3 centimeters and is located near the airway, causing a great amount of difficulty breathing, though it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes." the intern explained, beaming with pride.

"Well done, Dr. Carlyle, you're on the case. Rutherford, if you can muster the courage, I'll take you, too. The rest of you, go find something to do in the pit." Juliet said, dismissing her other 3 interns. "Alright, let's go."

The three doctors walked into the room of the patient they'd just been talking about, passing the guard outside the door. "Hello, there." Juliet greeted the patient with a smile, but he didn't return it.

"Hello yourself," he said gruffly, not bothering to make full eye contact.

"Dr. Carlyle?" she turned to her colleague, giving him the floor to present.

"James Ford, 37 years old, presenting with stage 2B lung cancer. The tumor is localized, though it will spread quickly if not treated. He's been having severe shortness of breath, along with several bouts of pneumonia."

"And what would you suggest as a course of treatment, doctor?" Juliet asked.

"At this stage, a segmental resection would be the most effective way to eliminate the tumor."

"Very good. Mr. Ford," she said, turning to her patient, "The chief has informed me that you're against surgery. May I ask why that is?"

"Simple," James replied, "Do you believe in karma, Dr. Burke?"

She paused a moment, "I believe that sometimes, life deals us a bad hand, Mr. Ford. It doesn't mean we've done anything to deserve it, and even if we have, it doesn't mean we don't deserve to get that royal flush."

He chuckled, "So you're into poker, huh, Blondie? We'll have to play sometime. You know, before I die."

"You're not going to die, James." she said, in a serious, yet somehow comforting tone.

He stared at her, slightly put off by her use of his first name, though he liked how it sounded coming from her lips. "I am, doc. Hell, we all are, eventually. I just happen to deserve what I'm gettin'."

"Nobody deserves this. What you _deserve,_ James, is a second chance, and I can give that to you."

"Well damn, Blondie, when you say it, I almost believe it." he said, giving her a grin that showcased his dimples, which, she absentmindedly noted, were adorable.

"Let me do the surgery. Then find a way to make yourself worthy of that second chance. It's not too late to get a royal flush." she insisted, staring directly into his eyes.

He sighed, "You sure are persistent, doc. But I've made up my mind. I know you're good, but I ain't lettin' you slice my lung out. Give that second chance to someone else. I've had plenty of 'em already."

Juliet made up her mind right then and there that she was going to get this man to agree to surgery, no matter what it took. "Dr. Rutherford, Dr. Carlyle, go and see if Mr. Ford's labs are back yet, please." she instructed her interns, who scampered off, seeming glad to get out of the room. "James," she began, pulling a chair to the side of his bed and taking a seat. "You have stage 2B lung cancer. If you refuse to let me operate, that will escalate. The cancer will spread to your lymph nodes, then to the rest of your lungs. You will not be able to breathe without the help of a machine. You'll begin coughing up blood on a regular basis, and eventually, you will stop breathing altogether. It will be very slow, and very, _very_ painful."

"Well gee, thanks for sugar-coatin' it, Blondie." he said with a laugh that turned into a cough.

Juliet continued a moment later, after his cough quieted, "I want you to understand what you're going to go through if you don't let me do this surgery. And I want you to understand that it can all be avoided if you just trust me. If you can believe that you deserve to live…James, I wouldn't wish the kind of death you're facing on anyone."

"Not even a murderer?" he asked, staring into her dazzling baby blues. He found himself wishing he could stick around a little longer, if only to get a few more glimpses of those eyes.

"Not even a murderer." she confirmed.

"I killed a man," he confessed, "I stole that car with my buddy, Chuck. I was drivin' too fast, tryin' to get away from the cops. I didn't even see that damn truck 'til it hit us. Smashed straight into him. He was dead before the car stopped."

Juliet just nodded, not breaking her gaze from his. "You can't blame yourself for that, James."

"Can't I?"

"No. Well, I suppose you _could_, but it would drive you crazy and you'd be completely wrong." she said, leaning in a bit closer to him, "Listen to me. Life happens. We make bad decisions and sometimes, very rarely but _sometimes_, those decisions lead to the death of someone else. I killed a man once, too, you know. I was a second year resident, and I had this patient…Tom Evans…I made the wrong call on his meds. I told the nurse the wrong amount, and my mistake killed him."

"Well that wasn't your fault. People make mistakes, you didn't kill him on purpose."

"Exactly." she said, looking at him with a soft smile. "We all make mistakes, James. But at some point, we have to learn to forgive ourselves. It wasn't easy coming to terms with what I did, but I had to accept that it was a mistake. A horrible one, yes, and one that I'll never forget, but a mistake nonetheless. You couldn't have known that your decision would result in Chuck's death. It is not your fault. And it does _not_ mean that you deserve to die." she didn't realize that she did it, but at some point, she'd placed her hand on top of his.

James looked at her for a long while, tears threatening to invade his eyes. He wondered if maybe he'd been sent to her by some kind of higher power. If she was _meant_ to save his life. Her sweet words sure made him want to believe he deserved more. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"You can cut me open, Blondie." he said, chuckling softly.

Juliet smiled and squeezed his hand, "Okay."

"But there's one condition." he told her with a grin.

"Oh? What's that?" she asked with an amused expression.

"Ya gotta let me take you out on a date."

Juliet arched an eyebrow and smiled, "Take me out where? The hospital cafeteria?" she asked, grinning sweetly, teasing him.

"Yeah, maybe." he replied, his grin broadening.

"Maybe I'll just bring the food to you, okay, Casanova?"

"Whatever works for ya, Blondie."


	2. Caught Up

"All right, we've got chicken parmesan, which I actually think is really good despite the smell, some corn, which may not be quite as good, and for dessert, chocolate pudding!" Juliet grinned as she walked into the room, carrying their tray of food. "Italian's my favorite, so I hope you're hungry." she said, setting the food down.

"You eat lunch with all your patients, Blondie?" James asked, a happy grin on his face. His life had become much brighter since meeting her the day before.

"Just the ones that blackmail me." she replied quickly, smirking at him in that sweet way only she knew how to do.

"Hey now, woman, that was not blackmail!" he objected with a chuckle, "Don't go gettin' me in trouble."

"Wouldn't dream of it." she said innocently, taking a bite of her chicken.

"Mm. So, you know I get outta the joint in a couple months…once you're done savin' my life, we should talk about goin' on a _real_ date." he suggested, showing off those adorable dimples again.

Juliet chuckled softly, "A real date, huh? Why don't we just focus on getting you cancer free first? Then we'll talk about dates. I'm not actually allowed to date patients, you know…you'd better be worth bending the rules for." she told him with a grin.

"Oh I am, Blondie. So how come you ain't afraid of me? All them other doctors, they don't wanna get anywhere _near_ me, but here you are." he said, almost in admiration.

"I've always had a thing for danger." she teased him, laughing wholeheartedly. "You're not someone to be feared, James."

"You sure about that?" he asked with an amused grin.

"Absolutely." came her immediate reply. The others could see him as dangerous if they wanted to, but she knew it wasn't so. He had a side that was every bit as gentle as a bunny rabbit when he chose to show it.

"Well then, lucky me." he said, reaching out and taking her hand in his.

"James…" she said softly, her head beginning to spin at the contact. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, then looked at him solemnly, though she retained a soft smile. "We can't get caught up in something right now, it's not good for either one of us." she explained.

"Too late for that, Blondie. I'm already caught up." he told her simply.

She admired how unafraid he was of his feelings, and how unapologetic he was about them. Letting out a soft sigh, she spoke. "I have to operate on you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Dr. Obvious." he said, bearing his dimples to her again as he grinned. "Listen. I'm not in the business of romancin' women. I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. I'm not the commitin' type, never have been. It's just…lookin' at you, it makes me feel like I _could_ be, ya know? There's somethin' here, doc, whether you wanna admit it or not. If you wanna wait 'til after tomorrow, we'll wait 'til after tomorrow, but make no mistake, Blondie…I'm not givin' up."

Juliet paused, almost staring him down, "And is that something you tell _all_ your attempted conquests?"

He had to laugh, "Wouldja stop lookin' at me like that? I'm not tryin' ta bullshit ya, here, I'm tryin'…I'm _tryin'_. And it ain't good for a sick man to get rejected, ya know. You should be careful."

She smiled, "I'm not rejecting you, I just…it's the timing, James, it's off. I can't…we can't. I need to operate on you, and you need to recover. If my head is clouded, it could hurt you, and I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt because I wasn't completely focused. So please…can we just call ourselves friends for now?"

James let out a sigh, "Friends, huh?" he mustered a smile, noting that their hands were still entwined, "Well alright, then, we're friends…for now." he grinned at her, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

Returning his smile, she quipped, "You're gonna have to stop flirting with me now."

"Aww, come on! What fun is that? Sick men need fun, too…"

"Would you stop playing the 'sick man' card?" she asked with a laugh.

"Nah, chicks eat it up." he said, his grin broadening.

Juliet rolled her eyes, "I just bet they do." she replied, grinning back.

"Juliet," he said, his expression suddenly turning serious, "I know I said I wouldn't give up, and I wouldn't, but…I ain't the kinda man that deserves a woman like you and I know it. Hell, I don't deserve nothin' but what I got, which ain't much. I can't take ya out to fancy restaurants or buy you jewelry for your birthday or anything like that. People are always gonna look at me like a criminal, and that's my own fault. So I'm just sayin'…if you turned around and ran the other way after this surgery business is done with, I wouldn't blame ya."

The blonde paused a moment to take in what he'd just said. "Do you really think I'm that superficial?" she asked, taking his hand in both of hers, "I'm not the kind of woman who cares about fancy restaurants or jewelry. Actually, I work so much that I don't really have a social life at all. _This_ is my social life," she said with a small smile, "I'm not running. I'm going to do this surgery, you're going to live, and then…who knows? We have time, James. We can take this slow, do it right…and that means focusing on getting you cancer-free first."

"I don't think you're superficial, Blondie, I was just sayin'…" he said, managing a smile. "C'mere," he said, reaching out with his free hand and placing it behind her neck, pulling her closer to him.

Their faces were only inches apart when she took a breath, "James…" she objected, but he interrupted.

"Don't go gettin' all _I-have-to-operate-on-you-and-we-can't-do-this-now _on me, dammit," he said with a grin, though his eyes retained a certain level of seriousness. His expression mirrored it with his next statement, "We both know I might not be here tomorrow, and if I'm gonna go, I ain't gonna do it without gettin' to kiss you at least once."

In that moment, Juliet couldn't think of one single reason to object, and when his lips met hers, she welcomed them. The kiss was soft, almost chaste, but she felt the passion behind it. It lasted for 23 seconds, but neither of them was counting. When they finally pulled apart, both were smiling. "Damn it," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair.

"What?"

"I think I just got caught up."


	3. Bittersweet Epiphany

One hour.

That's all the time Juliet had left before she had to scrub in for James' surgery. One hour. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. They were ticking away all too quickly.

It wasn't that she wasn't confident about her skills in the OR; she'd performed this surgery dozens of times, and she knew exactly what she was doing. It was that she was operating on _this_ man. This smooth-talking Casanova; this incredibly sweet felon of a man who had already begun to work his way into her heart. She'd let herself get attached too soon, and she knew that could jeopardize everything if she let it. she had to remain calm, no matter what happened in the OR that day.

Juliet made her way to his room to talk to him once more before they prepped him, and found him sitting up, watching the door expectantly. "Hey, there," she greeted him with a smile.

"Hey yourself, Blondie. 'Bout time ya got here, I been waitin'."

Juliet chuckled, taking a seat in the chair at his bedside. "I just came to discuss a few things before surgery," she told him.

"Like how much you're diggin' on me and the hot dates we're gonna have once I'm a free man?" he asked with a hopeful grin, showcasing his dimples. He wasn't feeling the greatest, but seeing her face went a long way towards making it all better.

"No," she replied, laughing sweetly, "We'll discuss that later." she continued with a grin. "What I have to talk to you about now is a little less pleasant, I'm afraid." she said, wrinkling her nose.

"Well, go on, then, so we can get to the good stuff." he said, reaching for her hand, which she surrendered to him easily.

"Alright. Well, as you know, I've got to remove a portion of your lung in order to get the whole tumor and prevent it from spreading."

"Yippee." he said unenthusiastically, though he kept a small smile on his face for her.

"James," she said, as though scolding, but her voice was soft, "Every surgery contains a certain amount of risk, and I need to know that you're aware-"

"I could die on the table, and blah, blah, blah, I know, Blondie." he said, still smiling. He'd never been good with all that emotional stuff. She gave him a look, eyebrow arched, and he sighed, "Listen. You're gonna do great in there. I know you will." he said, his thumb gently stroking the back of her hand, "I'm gonna be just fine, and then we're goin' on that date you promised me."

"I never promised you-"

"Sure ya did. _Anyway_," he said with a light laugh, "Everything's gonna be okay. You'll see."

"You say that so confidently, I almost believe it," she said with a chuckle.

"Well gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, doc." he said, his laugh turning into a cough.

"Shh," she said, placing her free hand on his chest until his cough quieted, "That's not what I meant. I meant…I'm _sure_ of myself in the OR. That's _my_ territory, that's what I know how to do best. I'm not worried about the surgery, I…I'm worried about what happens when you get out of there. What happens _after_." she admitted.

A grin spread across his face at her confession, "What happens _after_, Blondie, is the part I'm excited about the most." he said, leaning in to her.

"James!" she said, retreating slightly, "I'm about to cut you open, you can't be clouding my head with-" But she didn't get the chance to finish her thought. He pulled her back to him and kissed her, clouded head be damned. He had no idea how he'd managed to get a woman like this to even _consider_ dating him, but maybe, just maybe, she was his second chance at life. He'd never quite gotten things right, but in the short time he'd known her, she made him want to change all that. She saw beyond the prison record.

When the kiss ended, Juliet paused for a few moments, taking a deep breath. "You can't just _do_ that, you know. I wasn't ready." she said, a soft smile appearing on her lips. "And anyway, as I was saying, you can't be clouding my head with kissing, not now. My head needs to be completely clear, and when you do that…I can't focus when you do that."

"Mm, good to know I have that effect on you. Might come in handy." he said, his dimples appearing as he grinned at her.

She laughed, "What makes you think you'll have the opportunity to use it against me?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Gut feelin'." he responded. "C'mon now, Blondie, gimme one more kiss and then go get yourself focused."

"James."

"Don't make me play the 'sick man' card."

Juliet laughed again, "Has anyone ever told you that you're incorrigible?"

"Yes, but comin' from you, it sounds a hell of a lot cuter." he replied with a smirk, "Now come on. I need a kiss for good luck."

She sighed dramatically, as though defeated (and perhaps she was, in some ways), leaned back in, and gently pressed her lips to his, her hand moving from his chest to his cheek. It was short, but sweet. "There. But you don't need good luck, James. _I'm_ your surgeon." she told him, grinning.

"Well, well, _somebody's_ got a god complex."

"If I didn't, you'd be in very big trouble." she replied, laughing and standing up. "Alright." she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, "I'll see you in there." She smiled, taking a few steps towards the door before changing her mind, turning around and walking back to his bedside. Her lips descended onto his once more, and when she pulled back, her expression was solemn. "If you die on me in there, I'll kill you." she said seriously, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

"Don't worry, Blondie, I ain't goin' nowhere."

And he said it so confidently, she _almost_ believed him.


	4. Accidentally in love?

**A/N: Yeah…this is fluffy. And probably not very medically accurate. So sue me. Whattaya want? I ain't no doctor. (**** me trying to sound like James) ANYWAY…thanks for all the love. This fic is one of my favorites to write so far. Enjoy :)**

_Okay, Juliet, so far, so good,_ the surgeon thought to herself. She had just begun to dissect James' tumor, and everything was going smoothly_. Focus. You've got this. He's just a patient, this is just another surgery, and you know exactly how to do it. Cut here, now suction, now cut again… _she talked herself through each step, knowing that if she didn't, she would lose the control she needed to save him. No thoughts about his lips or his smile or his eyes or…no. None of that, not now. Later. There would be time for all of that later…

"V-fib," one of the residents warned as the heart monitor inexplicably began to fibrillate. Juliet's heart jumped into her throat. "Pressure's dropping, Dr. Burke, he's crashing!" the same resident said. _No, no, no, James, don't do this to me!_ she thought, taking a deep breath so she'd maintain composure…and then he flatlined. Panic seized her, but she tried desperately not to let it show on her face as she grabbed the paddles from another resident. "Charge to 200…clear!" she said, giving his heart a jolt.

Flatline.

"Charge to 300…clear!" Her chest felt tight as she shocked him again, sending up a silent prayer to anyone who would listen. Nothing. _Damn it, James, don't you leave me! _"Again…clear!" She stared at the monitor for a few moments, forgetting to breathe, until, finally, there was a blip on the monitor, signaling James' returned heartbeat.

Juliet let out the breath she'd been holding and closed her eyes, taking a few more deep breaths to calm herself. The reality of nearly losing him hit her all at once. He'd almost been gone forever. The chance to get to know him, to let him get to know her, had really almost been taken away. She'd known it had had a good chance of happening, but she hadn't realized it would hit her so damn _hard_ when it did.

"Dr. Burke?" Dr. Carlyle asked her. Only then did she realize that she had somehow managed to lean herself against the wall, and was practically on the verge of an anxiety attack. "Dr. Burke, are you alright?"

She composed herself and stood upright, clearing her throat, "Yes, I…just…give me a minute." she said, taking one more deep breath.

"He's stable, it's safe to proceed with the surgery," a resident told her, and she nodded, taking a clean scalpel from the scrub nurse and continuing where she'd left off.

Juliet sat on the floor of the recovery wing, her back to the wall, knees pulled up to her chest. She'd done it. The tumor was gone. James was cancer-free, and he was _alive_. He was going to make it. She couldn't explain the tears that had pooled up in her eyes. How could she possibly be having so many emotions about a man she'd known all of a few days? This man was not anywhere _near_ to being her type, never mind the fact that he was a convicted felon. She was a surgeon, he was a patient. This was supposed to be a strictly professional relationship, but she'd known from the first time they'd spoken that it was bound to be more than that. No matter how she fought it, she knew she couldn't force herself not to care.

Her thoughts were soon interrupted by her blonde intern. "Dr. Burke? Mr. Ford is awake. He…asked for you." Dr. Rutherford informed her with a curious eyebrow raise and the hint of a smirk, "Actually, he asked for 'Blondie'. I assumed he meant you."

Juliet found herself smiling at this, "Yes, that's me. Thank you, doctor. Would you go and check on Mr. Flannery in 2015 for me please? Then you can head home."

"Will do. Thanks, Dr. Burke." Shannon said, jaunting off down the hall.

Juliet took yet another deep breath (how many was that today? A thousand and five?) and walked a few doors down to James' recovery room. She opened the door slowly and entered, not quite sure what to expect.

"Blondie…I'm still alive." was the first thing he said, with a faint (though completely genuine) smile.

"You're still alive," she confirmed with a soft sniffle, tears of relief still tugging at the corners of her eyes.

"Hey, now, don't look so upset…" he said, chuckling weakly.

She let out a laugh and shook her head, walking to his bedside and taking his hand, "I'm not upset, I'm…I'm relieved. And happy. We got it, James. All of it. It's gone." she told him proudly.

"I'm cancer free. You ain't kiddin' me?"

"I wouldn't kid you about that," she promised him, "You're gonna be just fine." She said, leaning down and pressing her lips to his, the way she'd been afraid she never would again when he'd nearly died on her earlier. "Can I tell you something? You have to promise me you won't get upset, you need to stay relaxed." she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

He furrowed his brow, "What is it, Blondie?"

"I…" she sighed softly, "Your heart, it kind of…stopped. During surgery, you…I almost lost you, and it scared the hell out of me, James. I never get thrown off like that in surgery, not _ever_. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, here?"

"That I make you weak at the knees? You can't live without me?" he asked with a kind smile that masked any fear he might have felt for nearly dying. He reached out and affectionately ran his hand through her hair.

"I'm saying that…feeling this way about someone I've basically just met, it's not like me. Actually, feeling this way about anyone at _all_ is not like me, because I've never…I've never felt like this. So…you'll be here for 10 more days to recover, and then you've got, what, 6 weeks left of your sentence?"

James nodded, his hand now cupping her cheek. "That's right."

"Well…I was thinking it's time for us to schedule our first official date." she told him, a smile spreading across her face. "You know, one that doesn't include hospital cafeteria food or me cutting you open…" she said with a laugh, "Maybe the 23rd of August?"

"That's the day I get out," he said, smiling.

"I know. It's also my birthday." she informed him.

"Oh? And you want me as a present?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear, his dimples beautifully showcasing his happiness at this prospect.

"Yes." she replied, taking him by surprise with another kiss. "And a cake. There had better be a cake." she told him seriously, though a smile broke through her adamant expression.

"Oh, there'll be cake, Blondie. And lots of other sweet things, too." he said with a smirk that prompted another laugh from her.

"I can't wait."


End file.
